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Lately…
Lately, been
feeling somewhat uneasy
Been feeling
kinda privy like I got the ESP
But I know
it’s just me being delusionary again
Been having
episodes like screenings of my own private movie
Been imagining
my daddy telling me he loves me
But I know
it’s just an illusion, purely fiction
Daddy’s been
buried six feet in the ground exactly 20 years now
And I wonder if
he knows how difficult this life has been
Without his
wisdom and influence he would’ve surely dispensed
Lately, been
feeling my grasp on reality slowly slipping away
Takes every
ounce of my mental powers
To dwell in the
here and now and not the hereafter
Fits of
laughter from an innocent child so happy to be alive catches my attention
For a moment I
open my eyes
As I envision
life through the eyes of a child
Untouched by
the sadness of a world gone awry
He plays
unbeknownst to him life won’t always be this way
If only his
moment of happy bliss
Could somehow
stay this way forever
Bright-eyed and
innocent not a care in world
This is the
only memory a child should ever know
But alas, life
isn’t meant to be so
Lately, been
thinking about my mortality
Will I know
I’m dead have some sense of the final end
And in that
moment will I yearn for life
Like I’ve
never yearned before
Will the things
I missed while I lived in the abyss
Will I now wish
I didn’t walk in the darkness so much
Taken time out
for sunshine feel the kiss of happiness’ touch
Took everything
too seriously unable to lighten up
Always
conscious of my every move, my every word
Burdened down
by something I still can’t explain
It lives in the
shadows following me wherever I go
In my most
private of moments when I think I’m by myself
It’s always
there holding on to my sadness
Life long sad
memories I can’t seem to bury
I’ve held on
so long I’ve grown to cherish the sadness
So there’s no
room for happiness
This is maybe
how I should be, my destiny
A life filled
with regret and melancholy memories
Lately, been
feeling somewhat uneasy
Been feeling
kinda privy like I got the ESP.
12-7-97
Dean
Jean-Pierre
(On this day
was the 20th year of my father’s death so I feeling kinda privy
like I got the ESP.)
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